Evening Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's top comedians spent the evening mocking former President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa initiative, labeled the "gold card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic Christmas jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... ruins each thing he touches."

The subject was the new plan which permits overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residency for a sum of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for $5 million. The program's website guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message for you to affluent foreigners: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the program is also designed to "get cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, with significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get two free nights at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval numbers amid financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media coverage of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.